I go to school. I go to college. I go to management institutes. I occupy the top positions in the corporate world. I am modern. I am independent and free. This I is nobody but the modern Indian woman. Or is it?
We all say that the times are changing. Has it really changed for women? No doubt there has been an improvement in the condition of women, overtime. There was a time when women were confined to their households, were illiterate and had no say in the decision making of the household. All this has definitely improved particularly in urban areas. But I still have my doubts about it. Even today when a woman gets married, she is expected to leave her home and go and stay with her husband’s family.
Are we talking about changing times? I don’t think so. I would like my husband to come and live with me after marriage. Why am I expected to make all the sacrifices? Why should I leave the house and the people with whom I have spent so many years of my life? Leave alone my husband and his family; will my own family be open to this idea? Is this so called “modern” society actually open to such an idea?
After marriage when I have kids, I will be expected to give up my career and look after them and bring them up. Another sacrifice! When will this society free me of sacrifices? A man will never be expected to give up his career and take care of his children. I study as much as a man put in the same efforts, get the same degree – but I am expected to give it all up. I can become a house wife but a man cannot become a house husband (at least 80% of the people will not be open to this idea). I do all this and the child is still known by the name of the father. The patriarchal Indian society never seems to change.
I am the modern woman living in this so called modern world. But when will people start becoming modern by their thinking and not just by their clothes? When will I be allowed to take my own decisions and do what I want to do rather than do what the society expects me to do? I spend my entire life in this modern world, being identified as someone’s daughter, someone’s wife and then someone’s mother. Through this entire journey I wonder where my identity lies? My identity of being a woman is lost somewhere between all these relationships and expectations.
All I want is some more freedom and a change in the way people perceive the roles of a man and a woman in society.
We all say that the times are changing. Has it really changed for women? No doubt there has been an improvement in the condition of women, overtime. There was a time when women were confined to their households, were illiterate and had no say in the decision making of the household. All this has definitely improved particularly in urban areas. But I still have my doubts about it. Even today when a woman gets married, she is expected to leave her home and go and stay with her husband’s family.
Are we talking about changing times? I don’t think so. I would like my husband to come and live with me after marriage. Why am I expected to make all the sacrifices? Why should I leave the house and the people with whom I have spent so many years of my life? Leave alone my husband and his family; will my own family be open to this idea? Is this so called “modern” society actually open to such an idea?
After marriage when I have kids, I will be expected to give up my career and look after them and bring them up. Another sacrifice! When will this society free me of sacrifices? A man will never be expected to give up his career and take care of his children. I study as much as a man put in the same efforts, get the same degree – but I am expected to give it all up. I can become a house wife but a man cannot become a house husband (at least 80% of the people will not be open to this idea). I do all this and the child is still known by the name of the father. The patriarchal Indian society never seems to change.
I am the modern woman living in this so called modern world. But when will people start becoming modern by their thinking and not just by their clothes? When will I be allowed to take my own decisions and do what I want to do rather than do what the society expects me to do? I spend my entire life in this modern world, being identified as someone’s daughter, someone’s wife and then someone’s mother. Through this entire journey I wonder where my identity lies? My identity of being a woman is lost somewhere between all these relationships and expectations.
All I want is some more freedom and a change in the way people perceive the roles of a man and a woman in society.
__________________
The author is a IIyr Economics Honours student and a Core Team Member of DevelopmentChannel.org
6 comments:
LOVE your blog, Anoushaka....each and every line of that piece is something I relate to and believe in! Haha, and I thought I was becoming a feminist soon...with such strong ideas about changing the society...looks like I have company! I have said those exact same lines to myself in my head, like a zillion times whenever I come across a man vs woman issue.
Very passionate, and very nicely written! I really want everyone in this world to read this, and post their reactions here...I wanna know the opinion of the majority of the world.
p.s - And I am not saying that men are bad ;)the "fault" lies much deeper than that.
You'v vocalised all the questions that i keep asking myself time and again !! i hope this male dominated society changes soon!!
i see a lot of feminism here from my friends... m sorry but i disagree with you all.. I strongly feel that atleast people like us, who have grown up with education and facilities same as our male counterparts, should not waste time on cribbing about something like this..
We are all 18-19 years of age and I am sure none of us have ever been compelled to do something which has undermined our capabilities... I am proud to be a daughter, a sister and i think it would be a matter of greater pride for me to be a wife and a mother.. It may sound a little philosophical but i think i am blessed to be born as a girl.. God has definitely identified us as the stronger and the more responsible sex.. Its okay with me as long as i am expected to look after my household and not compelled to do so.. In present times,I am sure my husband would never want me to leave a hard-earned job and wait for him to return from office every evening... I am sure men are not that lame anymore..
Lastly, if there are certain things that only women are expected to do then I am sure even men have their share of such things.. Its just a fair(Its certainly fair for likes of me) division of the labor.. what if suddenly men in the world start cribbing about why only they are expected to do certain things and that they strongly feel that they are not free in the modern society..??? Discussion like these make women's state look pitiable but my humble contention is that does the Modern Indian Woman really need to crib about anything?? We dont need any sympathy.. I feel proud when i think of women who are Homemakers and also the stalwarts in their work places..I strongly feel we are free and we are progressing every moment... :)
when we say 'male dominated' society', it reflects on our definition of what domination, or superiority really is....
its about earning more, being more powerfull, wearing a suit, having a swanky car
these are some of the ideas propounded in this piece and the comments that follow....
'After marriage when I have kids, I will be expected to give up my career and look after them and bring them up. Another sacrifice! When will this society free me of sacrifices? A man will never be expected to give up his career and take care of his children.'
this maybe, elucidates what superiority really is: a better carer graph perhaps? no?
why cant good mothers be more important or superior for a society
than male corporate honchos?
why does a woman HAVE to be the CEO of pepsico to be powerfull or dominating??
and please dont expect me to answer this...unfortunately, i, myself have no clue :)
p.s.:
'.. I am sure men are not that lame anymore..'
-srishti
hahaha
Srishti….I totally respect your opinion but I obviously differ. You may think that your husband will not tell you to leave a hard earned job but trust me I know people in Delhi who would do that. In a marital relationship I still feel the man has a dominant position. I know of women who have left their career only because after marriage their husbands stay in a different place and they cannot find a suitable job there. I am definitely not saying that being born as a woman is a curse…..NEVER….but it’s just the way society has defined the roles and the way this modern society is unwilling to change their mindset. All I am trying to say is, in most situations the women are expected to be adjusting and compromising. I know a lady in my apartment who goes to a temple everyday so that her daughter-in-law gives birth to son though they already have a daughter…..is this the modern world??? Also, many mothers even in the modern world would push their daughters into learning the household chores because they think its important from the point of view of marriage but they would never put such emphasis on their sons learning the household cores…..why?? When women are now working in corporate houses then why cant men work at home?? (PS: I am not saying learning to do the households chores is bad….it makes you independent!! :)
Dikshant...Yes, probably we need to redefine things like "success". Actually, I feel it varies from person to person....for some people being a good mother is very important and thats their main goal or aim (if i may say so) in life.and thats cool.But the problem arises when the women wants to pursue a career and she is not allowed to....some women may define their life as successful only if they have a good career and I thinks its fair enough...its their individual perception. Also, I think good fathers can also be valued but I doubt how many people will look up to a man who gives up his career and stays at home to take care of his kids !!
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